Her story enfolded thusly. That morning, she had called her daughter, as she frequently does, and just to make conversation inquired as to her weekend plans. The daughter confessed her boyfriend had canceled and she would be alone for the next two days. My friend, innocently and without malice or a hidden agenda, responded by saying, “Oh, that’s too bad.” .

With that, the daughter unexpectedly and angrily lashed out. “What? You don’t think I can be alone? That’s why I hate you! You never think I can handle things!”

Click! The daughter hung up and so began the lamentations, the recriminations and the guilt, the accumulation of which reached its boiling point when she met me.

My friend gathered her emotions, and with all seriousness said, she should have taken my advice and just… ZIPPED IT! Before I could console her she said, “You’re a writer, why don’t you write a book telling all parents that the best way to handle their kids is to just zip it?”

I didn’t think much about her suggestion as I was busy with publishing my latest book, but the idea resonated with me. I knew from personal experience too many of my friends, myself included, could use a little help in better communicating with their adult children. Naturally, to just ‘zip it’, while it might work in certain situations, was just a single course of action. Surely, there were others and perhaps I could gather them up for an advice book? To proceed, I decided to interview as many parents of adult children as I could to learn how they communicate with their kids. What were their secrets to having an open and honest, and loving, two-way relationship with their kids and by association, spouses, grandchildren and extended family members?

In the last two years, I have heard tales of happiness, hardship and heartache. The interviews expanded my perspective and provided unique insight into the true nature of how tricky, and emotionally perilous, communicating with adult children can be for parents, even in our golden years when we are supposed to be so wise.

If my interviews were to be successful, I had to put my subjects at ease. I told them I was looking for answers that might help ME because I had two adult kids and I didn’t want to screw up my relationship with them. I injected a little humor directed at the absurdity of the relationships we have with our kids, hoping it would further relax my interviewees so their ‘true confessions’ would end with laughter and not tears. I tried to do the same in my book. To help me get my point across, I sought the wit and wisdom from Confucius to George Carlin, whose quotes sum up each chapter.

I want to thank the dozen or so mothers and fathers who so candidly opened their hearts and souls to me. I understand it’s a small, and by no means, definitive analysis of the problems we all face, but their experiences are most enlightening. One thing is certain—none of us are alone in our suffering. The trials and tribulations we endure are shared by anyone who is a parent of an adult child.

I hope by taking these experiences to heart, it will enable you, the reader, to sustain, improve or even mend your relationship with your adult children.

One final thought. When we’re met with frustrations so intolerable and we check our children’s birth certificates to make sure these Alien Beings came from our loins, just remember the first time they looked up at us from their cribs and smiled. (No, damn it—it wasn’t gas!).